21 year old Nigerian. German major, Chemistry minor. Premed. Science lover and lover of language. German, virology, epidemiology, nuclear chemistry, orgo you name it!
Though I feel pretty unbesiegbar right now because I know I’m going to slaughter this test tonight and my test tomorrow morning but with a paper and a test next week and presentation and project due Friday I am literally about to collapse from exhaustion. Not only that but not sleeping and not eating and working for hours and hours straight has made me paranoid, confused and down right crazy. I’ve not even begun to look at my messages, hate mail or w.e. nfmkldsfngomvdk BAHHHH
I got some tests back and had two tests today and everything worked out gorgeously. Sure I have no friends, no time for guys, never been out in my life, haven’t slept more than 4 hours since Lord knows when and look like death but who cares? If I keep it up I should easily make all or mostly A’s <3
Also, I cut a piece of my thumb off and have a ton of tests coming up so I’ll be responding slowly to emails and letters as I’m busy and it hurts to write lol
Was actually mildly bittersweet. On the one hand, I can move up to a lab that has more human contact and is more focused on my career path. On the other hand, I have no friends or family (in America) so this means I will never see the only people that I have ever seen outside of class for the past 2.5/3 years, ever again and I’m simultaneously giving on someone I cared for, for a long time… Nur ich habe Probleme wie diese!
People who assume it’s really simple for me to apply for aid or find free food. People who assume it’s easy for me to just work harder to pay for college or rent. People who don’t understand the pain of earning “too much” to receive help but having “too little” to make ends meet. People.
Thanks a lot for sticking by my annoyingness but my sickness and sadness has taken their toll and I have to go to bed <3 I feel so sad right now that I am having physical chest pains but with every kind word I read of your supportive responses makes the burdens on my heart lighter and lighter.
I know, I know, I won’t post anymore personal posts or w.e. but I am feeling a real rush of sadness as I write my emails to terminate my employment at my current job. It hurts so much because it’s been like 3 years and I’ve grown to love and appreciate so many things about this place but everything has a time. I feel as though, no matter how hard I work, in the end, I have to let everything go. Even though letting go let’s me gain a little bit of freedom- like every single thing I let go of vindicates me more and more, I also feel like every ounce of the things I give up translate into tiny drops of pain and sadness that coagulate into some kind of corrosive substance that slowly but voraciously consumes me- turning me into nicht mehr als ein erbämlichen Witz of who I wish I was. Or something like that. Anywho, I guess it was time for a change.