Wissenschaft und Deutsch

kuestezukueste:

In addition to feeling increasingly suicidal I’ve noticed my disturbing desire to be harmed or murdered. Idek what I want or need seeing as though medicine and therapy only seem to make things worse

SO basically this is what’s going on in my life right now and so I think I will take some kind of hiatus for a little when school starts. I’ll still be posting, I would just close my ask box and probably ask that people not really contact me too much if it’s not 100% needed or w.e. idk. I appreciate all of the support I commonly get but I just ask not to really be contacted about this right now, idk what’s even going on right now in my life

Reblogged from Küste zu Küste
Tags: personal blah

I just violently vomited for like 45 second straight

and my cat’s reaction was to freak out and meow wildly lol. On another note, my stomach muscles feel weird, like tired, any idea on what I can do besides take meds and that involves minimal movement?

Went to a dr today

The good news is that he’s much more knowledgable about mental health and has a lot of ideas of what might work for my depression, paranoia and hallucinations the very bad news is that, even though my instance is great on the west coast and some parts of the south, it sucks ass here and won’t cover most of the meds he wants to put me on..

Starting off on weight loss journey today D: in an attempt to get my life together as my body in order. I promise not to spam y’all with my gross body pics and annoying (possibly triggering) weight counts. Tips are sooooo appreciated!

Dear person who gifted this from my wishlist (I’m going to try and see if amazon will at least share your email with me so I can email you ‘thank you’) YOU ARE FREAKING AWESOME!! I’m so happy, you have no idea…it’s bad enough feeling depressed, alone and suicidal but it’s even harder when some of the few things that you enjoy (gardening, cooking, shooting, camping..) are out of reach because of financial reasons. I’m so happy I have herbs now because I couldn’t afford to have much of a garden this year (herbs are esp awesome because they multiply and grow easily). I’m also happy that I can cook with herbs again and use them to make tea and facial steams/washes. I’m super duper happy that they all require full sun because my tree got cut down (it was diseased) and now I don’t have much partially shady space for plants that require it. I’m just so happy fjdioijofdijodfiojsifodjsodfij

Dear person who gifted this from my wishlist (I’m going to try and see if amazon will at least share your email with me so I can email you ‘thank you’) YOU ARE FREAKING AWESOME!! I’m so happy, you have no idea…it’s bad enough feeling depressed, alone and suicidal but it’s even harder when some of the few things that you enjoy (gardening, cooking, shooting, camping..) are out of reach because of financial reasons. I’m so happy I have herbs now because I couldn’t afford to have much of a garden this year (herbs are esp awesome because they multiply and grow easily). I’m also happy that I can cook with herbs again and use them to make tea and facial steams/washes. I’m super duper happy that they all require full sun because my tree got cut down (it was diseased) and now I don’t have much partially shady space for plants that require it. I’m just so happy fjdioijofdijodfiojsifodjsodfij

This isn’t science but I need cleaning advice

How do I clean a stove top with a stove that has a pilot light? My stove top is ALWAYS hot to the touch and scrubbing it makes it fume…I also don’t fancy blowing myself up or starting a fire but I’m not sure I’d be able to unlight or relight my pilot light or if that’s a good idea since my stove is old and I’m sure gas will still be freely flowing in my apt. My stove top is hideously dirty and I’m a clean freak, I’ve never even seen a stove this old in my life

UPDATE: I live in an apartment so I can’t buy a new one. When I moved it I brought it up but no one did anything about it D: I will try asking tomorrow when my apt company opens if there’s no answer but when I get back in I’m just going to try a regular cleaner…I’ll be careful and keep my fire extinguisher handy? who knows. OH and I also don’t know how to light a match or use a lighter. But I’m gonna find this all out when I get back in

I remember being a kid and my teacher making fun of me in front of the entire class

Because I didn’t have a printer (or computer) to print the homework assignment out and my mom worked two jobs and nights so by the time I got home she was gone and couldn’t help me with my homework and I had spelling mistakes and stuff. I was also in ESL at that time so I had difficulty with the English language to begin with and the school didn’t have adequate tutoring services, esp for ESL students. I felt really shitty after that, for a really long time. For being poor and foreign and I really hated my family for not being normal and American. I believe that was the same teacher that asked my mom if she could call me by a ‘normal’ name because she didn’t want to say my Nigerian name lol..educators try not to be dicks.

Got home at almost 3am this morning

went to bed at 7am because after a 6 hour drive an 10 hour shift, my brother and friend (brother drove) needed to sleep so I gave them my room. Slept until 2pm. I have like 5 pairs of clean clothes (no pants), work every day this week (9pm laundry?), no food other than cereal (and like 20 bags of pasta but I’m giving it away lol), like 2 unpacked suitcases, I have to change the strings on my guitar and I’m trying to get this fly safely out of my apt. I could do something about the following but I think I’m going to just take my meds and watch LPs all night lol

Tags: personal